SKIP THE SPA DAY.
No, seriously, hear me out. An occasional “treat yourself” at the spa is all well and good, but if you really want to move the needle, you need more than a periodic massage at the spa one Saturday a quarter.
Don’t buy into the lie that self-care means you occasionally break away for a bubble bath and a candle that smells like “Tranquil Vanilla Sunset.” I’m not knocking the benefits of a bubble bath- hey ENJOY that candle!- BUT…. if that’s your whole plan for self-care, I dare say that you have a problem.
Real self-care, the kind that actually moves the needle (in the right direction) on how you feel and function, includes three unsexy, unglamorous things: sleep, sunshine and a healthy social circle.
I’m not going to give you a research lecture on any of these- you can Google that on your own time. What I want to do is walk through each one the same way I’d walk through it with a client sitting across from me, because KNOWING that sleep matters and actually PROTECTING it are two very different things.
Here’s an all too familiar (sleep-deprived) overachievers pattern: the to-do list wins, and sleep loses- every single time. We treat sleep like a luxury instead of the foundation it actually is. Yet, the truth is undisputed- we cannot think clearly, regulate our emotions, or show up as the people we want to be on four broken hours of sleep. I don’t care how much coffee (or tea, or Red Bull) you drink. (Okay, yes I do! I think coffee tastes disgusting and Red Bull is AWFUL for you!). My point remains: Protect your sleep like it’s a client meeting you refuse to cancel, because it is. Treat it like a meeting with a VIP you can’t afford to neglect- yourself.
Okay, so now that I’ve emphasized the importance of sleep (and I presume you have consequently agreed to “work on it”, let’s move on to the next piece of the puzzle.
Sleep IS important, but it is also true that you can ZZZZZZ for a solid eight hours and still feel like a zombie by 2pm the next day if you never step outside. That’s not a sleep problem- that’s a sunshine problem, and it’s sneakier than it sounds.
Sunshine
Fifteen minutes. That’s not a big ask. Fifteen minutes of actual daylight on your actual face can shift your mood, your energy, and your sleep that night (see how that connects?).
And no, the fact that the sun shines into your office, bedroom or kitchen window does not count. You must SEEK the sunshine. You must step into its domain (by which I mean, GO OUTSIDE).
We were not built to live under fluorescent lights and blue screens from sunup to sundown. Please, in the name of all that is sunny, glorious and rejuvenating, GO OUTSIDE. Whether you walk to the mailbox the long way, or sit on the porch with your coffee (instead of drinking it hunched over your laptop). Your nervous system will thank you. (Don’t believe me? Well, read all about it here– straight from the National Library of Medicine.)
See, I told you so.
Oh, and bonus points if you can get that first dose of sunshine shortly after waking up- it is so much the better! (If you’re interested in why, you can find more on that here.)
To summarize the last few paragraphs neatly, the point is this: Sunshine fixes a lot.
However, it does not fix everything. You can be well-rested and sun-kissed and still feel like you’re doing life completely alone, and that’s a different kind of tired- the kind daylight can’t touch. That’s where your people come in.
A Healthy Social Circle
This one is sometimes the hardest, and it’s also the one we skip first when life gets busy.
We need people, but tending to relationships takes energy that we sometimes don’t feel we have. But isolation doesn’t save our energy- it drains us. The people who genuinely see you, who ask how you’re doing and actually wait for the answer- those relationships are not optional extras. They are an essential part of our infrastructure.
However, if your circle leaves you feeling smaller, less than or under supported, it’s not a healthy social circle, and you need to make changes there, too.
The point is this: Find your people- and spend time with them. Take the time to help keep them lifted up, and let their love and support lift YOU up.
This is not rocket science, and none of these three things require a retreat, a subscription, or a Pinterest board. These are cornerstones of healthy living. For many of us, however, they are a major stumbling block because we aren’t doing these things.
Change starts with you recognizing that you need to stop treating your own basic needs as negotiable or unimportant. Prioritize what’s important to you.
Here’s what I mean by that- Sheli (that’s me!) loves ice cream. I have been known to drop EVERYTHING the second I heard an ice cream truck jingle two streets over. Sheli grabs some cash and RUNS like she was being chased by a serial killer– all in an effort to catch the ice cream truck. Because Ice cream is a priority in my life. (well, it was… but that’s another story for another time).
My point is this: That’s the level of urgency I want you bringing to your own sleep, your own sunshine, and your own people. Not “when I get around to it.” Not “someday.” NOW, while it’s still available to you.
If you’re chasing burnout faster than you chase your own well-being, let this serve as your wake-up call (after your eight hours of sleep).
NOW… I want you to percolate on my words of wisdom for a moment, then tell me- which one have you been neglecting the most, and what is it costing you to keep doing that?
#DesiderataConsulting #TransformationalCoach #PartCheerleaderPartDrillSergeant
