You’ve been following a rulebook nobody ever handed you.
There was no orientation, no (formal) training and definitely no “welcome to the team, here’s your copy.” And yet, somehow, you know it cold- every rule, every clause, every unspoken penalty for breaking one.
I’m calling it a protocol, because that’s exactly what it is- a set of rules you follow so automatically that you don’t even register them as rules anymore. You just call it “being a good person” or “handling things” or “not being difficult.”
Here’s a sample of the fine print, in case you need a reminder of what you agreed to:
- Smooth it over before anyone gets uncomfortable- especially you.
- Say yes before you’ve even let yourself consider no.
- Earn your rest. You do NOT get to rest just because you’re tired
- Never be the reason something feels hard for someone else.
- If you’re not sure whether you did enough, assume you didn’t.
Sound familiar? (If you nodded at even one of those, keep reading. If you nodded at all five, we REALLY need to talk.)
Two weeks ago I wrote about people-pleasing. Last week, perfectionism. And if you’ve been reading along, you already know those two are basically cousins who show up to the same family reunion wearing the same outfit. People-pleasing keeps everyone else comfortable, while Perfectionism makes sure you never give anyone a reason to be disappointed in you. Different costumes with the same protocol underneath: don’t be too much, don’t need too much, and definitely don’t take up space you haven’t earned.
And here’s what we both know- following this invisible rulebook is its own full-time job. There’s no clocking out- you’re subconsciously enforcing this set of rules 24/7, and you’re doing it so well that everyone around you thinks you’re just naturally easygoing, low-maintenance… fine.
You are not fine. You’re just really, really good at compliance. ☹️
You know exactly what it looks and feels like to be a people pleaser. What you DON’T know is how to break free. You haven’t been able to change things just by ‘deciding to’. You’ve probably already told yourself, more than once- “I’m going to stop being a people-pleaser and start prioritizing my own needs” but… nothing changed. Because, sadly, it doesn’t work like that. You can’t out-willpower a program that got installed before you were old enough to consent to it.
Which is where the other kind of Protocol comes in.
In Splankna, our protocol isn’t a metaphor- it’s a structured, prayer-led process we use to find out where your rulebook actually came from, and rewrite it. We open in prayer and invite God to mark out where He wants to work, and then we listen. Sometimes what surfaces is exactly what you expected. Other times, it’s something adjacent- a moment from years earlier that quietly taught you the same lesson in a different room. Either way, we’re not managing the symptom. We’re going after the rule itself.
That’s the difference between the protocol you’ve been running on autopilot and the Protocol that’s actually built to free you from it. One was handed to you without your permission. The other, you get to walk into on purpose.
If any part of that invisible rulebook sounded like your own handwriting, I’ve shared what a Splankna session is like here. It’s an opportunity to look at whether Splankna might be exactly what you need to finally rewrite the unwritten rule you’ve been quietly enforcing your whole life.
Which subconscious rules have you been enforcing the longest- and where did it start?
