I’m concerned about the secrets we keep that are harmful- the “bad” kinds of secrets. And they come in many forms. There are the secrets we keep by omission as well as outright deception.
There are family secrets, personal secrets, business secrets, and financial secrets.
And then, there are the secrets we keep on behalf of the offended, not to protect the offender.
We all have secrets… in fact, according to a 2019 article from Scientific American, 97% of people are keeping at least one secret, and on average, people usually have 13 secrets.
Columbia University scientists conducted two surveys which identified 38 common secrets. The research showed that just thinking about them can damage your health and your career.
Here are the nine most common secrets:
- An addiction or habit (not drug-related)
- Lying to someone
- Theft/stealing from someone/somewhere
- Hurting someone (physically or emotionally)
- Hurting yourself (physically)
- Having an abortion
- (Illegal) drug use
- Illegal activities (other than stealing/theft or drugs)
- A traumatic experience (other than the above)
While most of us keep secrets to protect ourselves (reputation, pride, etc.), we are ignoring the more serious problem: keeping secrets is harmful – our relationships are less satisfying and our health tends to be worse – sometimes to the point that it can result in a more rapid progression of disease and illness. Our overall well-being is generally lower and our secrecy can also lead to increased anxiety and depression.
So, if they are so damaging, why else do we keep secrets?
Embarrassment and shame are often the cause. When we are ashamed of our actions and behavior, the last thing we want to do is broadcast our poor behavior to the world- especially to the people we are close too that we want to think well of us. People are also likely to lie, withhold information or perform other forms of deceitfulness in order to preserve their reputation and standing in other people’s eyes, as well as their own. “If they don’t know what I did, they can’t/won’t think less of me because of it.”
"Privacy is something that we maintain for the good of ourselves and others. Secrecy we keep to separate ourselves from others, even those we love. "
SECRETS HURT.
Or, it might be better to simply say:
SECRETS MAKE US SICK.
What would it look like for us to have more honesty in our relationships?
